Adult Singles » self-help

Adult Add And Women

admin — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:00:56 +0000

Tellman H. Knudson asked:

Because girls with attention deficit don’t usually have the hyperactivity component that accompanies ADD, they’re thought of as being “emotional” or “difficult.” When they do have the hyperactivity factored in, then people call them tomboys or think of them as flaky or flighty. These girls also have more fights with peers because of their emotional spikes, and still, nobody recognizes that the girl is ADD. The interesting part is that they share all of the attention deficit symptoms with males, such as disorganization, impulsivity, and issues with time management, but still nobody recognizes the attention deficit side of some girls until they become adults. Usually, this is when their own children are diagnosed.

Yet, when ADD girls grow up to be women, many of the symptoms give them a very hard time. Girls are often expected to become multi-tasking women, and then, some definite issues that are special to women with adult ADD arise.

Many women, whether they have adult ADD or not, have the feeling that women have to be better than men to succeed in the workplace. This expectation creates an incredible feeling of anxiety for adult ADD women, who see things that way, and the anxiety is only increased because they realize that they have issues with organization and focus. But as they see it, society expects them to be perfect, when that’s just not possible for anyone, let alone someone with attention deficit. If a woman can’t meet the expectations she sets for herself or that she sees as society setting for her, she becomes depressed and her self-esteem just plummets.

Shame and guilt compound the negative feelings when a woman has trouble with things like getting her kids to school on time or having the family evening meal ready on time. Since women with adult ADD have difficulty with organization, her house is often a chaotic mess, and because of that, she prefers that no one comes over to visit. In fact, the stress that she feels over someone knocking at the door when she can’t keep a tidy house can be stressful, and because women tend to internalize their feelings, depression can set in.

And when adult ADD women have to work outside the home, there’s added stress. They have to get to work on time and perform their jobs at an acceptable level. But she has to deal with the added stress of what to do with her kids while she’s working, getting the groceries, dropping off cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, and all the other things a mother is expected to do. Due to her inability to manage time well and be organized, this can be very, very difficult. But that’s only if there’s a complete family, a two-parent household.

When an adult ADD woman becomes a single parent due to divorce, which is highly possible in adult ADD relationships, what happens? Now, she not only has her job, and her regular household duties, but now she has to take on the onus of the other partner, as well. Everything having to do with the house is her problem. What does she do when the water heater blows or when there’s a leak in the roof? Oh, she’ll deal with it like any other adult, but when so much is expected of her, it can be devastating, especially since these pressures on the adult ADD woman are not just external.

The hormonal imbalances associated with menopause or the monthly cycle can cause emotional ups and downs in all women. Yet with an adult ADD woman, these symptoms and emotions can be more intense.

When many girls with attention deficit reach maturity, they have learned to control some if not all of their symptoms. They may have a tendency toward impulsiveness, for instance, but have solved the issue with time management. But women shouldn’t allow the remaining ADD tendencies to control them. If they fall too far, they can find the dark side of attention deficit—depression, addiction, and crime. Exaggerated symptoms may require professional assistance, where women can learn to employ the good side of adult ADD–the creativity, the exuberance, and an incredible ability to hyperfocus, among others. Professionals can show women how to make ADD work for them, rather than against them.

Dating article from: Adult Singles

Adult Add And Women

Adult ADD: Control Your Outer Limits

admin — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:17:06 +0000

Pat Marcello asked:

ADD folks have a lot of great things going for them. They’re creative, highly intelligent and intuitive, as well. But ADD also makes you sensitive, and you may not be able to show your emotions, especially if you’re a man. Certain emotions aren’t proper in society, and it really doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. Most people go around hiding their true feelings for a good part of every single day. But did you know that doing this on a regular basis can hurt you?

Our endocrine system is made up of several different glands: pineal, adrenal, pituitary, pancreas, thyroid, parathyroid, thymus and gonads, which are our sexual organs. Each gland has its special nutritional requirements and responds in a unique way. In fact, it is the endocrine system that causes us to react in emotional situations. Every single feeling we have affects our body in some way. You really can’t stop it, no matter how hard you try because this system works together, automatically. Resisting emotions can damage this balance, when we continue to resist our true feelings, and if you don’t give your emotions free reign in one way or another, this resistance can make us ill.

But society makes it hard for us to express our full emotions most of the time. ADD makes it even harder. You feel as if you’re losing control. Since that makes people with ADD very uncomfortable, when an emotion overtakes us by surprise, we reject it.

For your own sake and the sake of other people around you, you need to release those pent up emotions. If you’re a private person and prefer not to show how you really feel about things in public, you can do it privately.

Anger is often associated with ADD, and is usually based in either fear or frustration. When you have a new situation to deal with, you may become angry because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. Or, you have to get some job done, but your ADD distraction mode is on, and you can’t get your work done. So, you become frustrated, and your anger gear kicks in. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Everyone experiences the whole range of emotions, ADD or not. It’s how you deal with your feelings that will help or hurt you.

When you’re very angry, go to a private place, put your face into a pillow, and growl. Or do something else that will make your frustration and anger go away. Try to avoid breaking things, unless it’s something small, like a pencil. Sometimes just the mere sound of the snap will help to dispel your negative feelings.

But just because you’re an adult, don’t think you should have grown out of sensitivity. That just won’t happen. In fact, sometimes, your emotions can get pretty intense, just like any other adult , even adults without ADD. Try not to bottle those feelings up inside because it will only hurt you. Find a harmless way to express your feelings and just let it all hang out.

Dating article from: Adult Singles

Adult ADD: Control Your Outer Limits

Adult ADHD: If It Doesn’t Work, Do It Again?

admin — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:38:05 +0000

Tellman Knudson & Stephanie Frank asked:

I’ll bet that if you have Adult ADHD or ADHD symptoms this story will hit home for you…

I sat among a pile of papers. Everywhere I looked, I saw more work to do, and the longer I looked at it, the more overwhelmed I became. Finally, I burst into tears. “Why can’t I just figure out a system for all of this paper?” I said to myself. There I was, an intelligent woman, ADHD symptoms or no, and I could not figure out how to set up a filing system. I felt stupid.

Really stupid.

So I got up and tried again. And again. And again. (Even though I know very well the worst thing someone with ADHD symptoms can do is to do the same thing over even when its not working!)

Each time I attempted to set up a new system, something wouldn’t work, something I hadn’t thought of, and I’d have to start all over again. I sat holding one single piece of paper, trying to figure out what to do with it, when the telephone rang.

It was an old friend – actually, an old assistant who had moved away to another state across the country.

“What’cha doin?” she asked.

“Trying to figure out how to file all of these @#$@#$ papers!” I exclaimed loudly. Patience is not generally a virtue of those with Adult ADHD.

She took a long pause and then said to me. “What are you doing that for? You’re a speaker – you don’t have the energy to spend on that kind of detail work – you’re a PEOPLE person! Plus, you have ADHD!”

Well, duh. Yes, I am a people person and there I was, taking a lot of time to do something that frankly, I’m not so good at doing. (But of course, stubbornness is anther hallmark of Adult ADHD, and just then it was kicking in hard.)

BUT THEY DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT IN SCHOOL!! Remember back in school when you weren’t so good in a subject? Maybe your ADHD symptoms were diagnosed or maybe they weren’t, but either way, what did they tell you to do? Try harder, right?

Well, I say WRONG! We only have so many strengths and weaknesses, why focus on the weakness!

You see, unfortunately, by the time we get out of school many of us with Adult ADHD are so focused on what we’re not good at, that we fail to even see what we are good at.

And in most cases, what people with Adult ADHD are good at is actually a real talent, a genius-level ability that other “normal” people can’t even come close to. If only people with ADHD symptoms would take a look at what they are best at and love to do, and focus on doing that to the bast of their ability, imagine what would happen!

It makes a lot of sense to me for those with Adult ADHD to focus on strengths. When you focus on what you CAN do because of your ADHD symptoms instead of what you CANNOT do because of ADHD symptoms, opportunities arise and people flow into your life to help you. I’ve experienced this time and time again in my own life, and always when I was working on what I do well.

So my papers? They are all nice and neat in a new filing system which I did not create, but I do follow. Someone else had strengths in organization and helped me out (someone without Adult ADHD) — truly a prosperous and profitable exchange of services.

How about you? What are you focusing on today? What you do well or what you do NOT do well? Adult ADHD comes with both sides–it’s up to you what you emphasize. I challenge you to work your strengths for a month and see what progress you make.

Let me know!

And if you’d like to get more hints, tips and tricks for really focusing on your Adult ADHD strengths in the future, see below!

Dating article from: Adult Singles

Adult ADHD: If It Doesn’t Work, Do It Again?